The day I found out I was never alone

Last year (like most) was super tough on me..... even before the pandemic hit I was struggling through A LOT of different experiences and emotions.⁠

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I had basically hit a place where I had no clue who I was or what I was supposed to be doing with my life...which may not sound like much to some people but as a person who was very confident in herself and where her life was going, this felt like I was stuck in a tornado that would never let up. ⁠

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I often wondered what the purpose of everything that was happening to me was and as the lyrics say "when I finally hit rock bottom, that's when I start looking up" (thank you Matthew West for those lyrics and the song "strong enough" cause man does it speak truth!)⁠

And that is exactly what I did.

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I immersed myself in the bible more than I ever had before, I listened to songs of praise that spoke to pain, loss, anger, and fear. I journaled & talked to God constantly- even when it felt like he might not be listening. I figured at some point he was going to have to show up with some divine word of where my life was heading........ but nope... just me looking into the wide open abyss that was my future.

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Until the day in this photo, Lance and I decided to take a little trip down to AZ (literally when the pandemic was hitting-everything shut down while we were there). On a hike in Sedona we kept taking moments to just sit and breathe it in. I was praying in this photo. Lance snapped a pic and I didn't actually see it until we were in the car after the hike. I guess God wasn't just listening, he was there too. ⁠

We are so quick to believe that God isn't there or isn't listening because we need someone to blame but it's the farthest thing from the truth. God shows up for us in the smallest moments of our day, if only we choose to see or hear him.⁠ After this photo hit me like a bag of bricks, I spent some time reflecting on the months beforehand. You would not believe how often I saw God show up for me, the amount of times he sat with me, guided me, held my hand, made me brave, and helped me understand where I was supposed to be going.

Another place I had found solace was dripping in sweat just in the moment when you think you can't find your breath and then your lungs fill to the brim with air. I sound a bit crazy I think, but its in those moments that I found(and still find) such an appreciation for life and my bodies abilities.⁠ I couldn't put down books about fitness. I was completely enamored by watching what the human body can accomplish. I am fascinated by how the mind and body are so completely interconnected. I was sitting in exactly the place I needed to be and had no clue. (palm to face)

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I've shared this photo with very few people. I think I felt like it was my little secret and if I shared it with others it would be less "mine" or less "special" or that it might lose it's "magical" qualities. But I have been feeling called to share my story lately and hope that someone reading it might relate and find hope in it as well.

Keep an eye out this week... you might find courage where you very least expect it!

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Kallista